Because It's You Author: transfixeddreamRating:
Jared/Jensen, some Jared/Sandy and Jensen/Justin Spoilers/Universe:
SPN RPS, AU! Word Count:
Jared has been in love with Jensen since like, forever. The only problem is that Jensen was straight... then got a boyfriend. Disclaimer:
Nobody in this story belongs to me (sadly), nor does this story necessarily portray their real personality. Prompt from watermelon_wave
My first attempt at a one off, heh. Go easy on me. Because It's You
The party was in full swing by the time Jared and Jensen arrive. Anybody who was anybody knew to only show up at Mike Rosenbaum's house after twelve, anyway. That was the time the hardcore drunks would be passed out and the keg would be getting empty, allowing the good stuff to come out. Jared hated the taste of keg beer, and for what he was planning on doing tonight, he definitely needed a beer or two or twelve in him.
"Jay! Jenny!" Mike called out to them from underneath a girl whose breasts are pressed against his face. Jared doesn't know which was more amazing, the fact that Mike was able to see them, or that he could talk with those things in his face. He figured that since Mike's only two loves in life were booze and boobs, it was okay to refer to him as Texas's own Steve Stifler. He was the one who had the weekly Saturday night parties, after all.
"Don't call me that, asshat," Jensen mumbled, though Jared knew he was really just trying not to grin. Like anybody could get pissed at Mike Rosenbaum. "Come on, I plan to be good and hung over come tomorrow." Jared just mutely followed when Jensen tugged at his hand, because yeah, Jensen's hand felt good in his own.
"What is this stuff?" Jared asked moments later as Jensen ladled a bright purple concoction into plastic cups. He handed one to Jared.
"It's probably best not to know," Jensen shrugged as he took a sip. Jared looked doubtfully at the liquid, but started downing his as well.
Jensen had his eyes closed as he listened to the music, letting the rhythm wash over him. Jared thought he'd never looked more beautiful, with his face flushed from the alcohol and his lips looking so plump and...
Jared shook his head furiously to rid himself of the thought; if he was going to lay his heart on the line, it'd be best if he did so without a boner.
Jensen worked a standard way when he was drinking: when he was pleasantly buzzed, he was quieter and calmer than usual, just like he was now. However, when he passed the line between buzzed and hammered, he got handsy and loud. Jared really
didn't want to tell Jensen he liked guys, or more specifically him
, and have it shouted from the rooftops if Jensen didn't turn gay right then and fall in love with him. Actually, there was a good chance it would still
be screamed from the rooftops even if Jensen returned said feelings. Jensen just liked to yell when he was hammered.
That was another reason Jared was so anxious to tell Jensen tonight. If he and Jensen were drunk (or pleasantly buzzed) and Jensen turned Jared down, then Jared could just blame the alcohol and that he didn't mean any of it. If they were sober when Jared told him... well, there'd be a lot more awkwardness.
"Jay yer killin' m'buzz," Jensen mumbled as he opened his eyes, giving Jared a lazy smile that went straight to Jared's crotch. So much for a no boner confessional.
"Sorry," he apologized, willing his little friend to go back to sleep. When it became apparent that Jared would be hard all night if Jensen kept smiling at him like that, he tried to adjust his pants the best he can before standing up. "I gotta go to the bathroom."
Jensen merely gave him a soft nod and Jared all but ran to the downstairs bathroom. Thankfully nobody needed to relieve themselves at that moment so Jared didn't have to wait for the line. He unzipped his fly quickly and finished himself in record speed. After cleaning himself up, Jared headed back out to the party, hoping that his orgasm would keep his dick at bay.
"Hey, Jared!" Jared cringed at the voice. Sandy McCoy had been trying to get his attention for the last year, apparently not getting the message Jared was more interested in his best friend than he was in her.
"Hi Sandy," Jared gave a forced smile and weeded through the small groups of people, but Sandy wasn't satisfied with a simple hello and followed closely.
"So, I was wondering..." Sandy continued on, but Jared stopped listening when he saw what was in front of him.
Jensen. On a guy's lap. On Justin fucking Hartley's
lap, attached to his mouth.
"Jared?" Sandy's concerned voice floated through Jared's shock.
"Huh?" he asked.
"I asked if you wanted to dance?" she repeated quietly.
Jared gave one last look at Jensen and Justin, then nodded firmly. "Yeah, sure."
Jensen was the only thing on his mind moments later as his hands wrapped around Sandy's waist, five minutes later when Sandy pressed up against him, and two minutes after that when his tongue was down Sandy's throat.
Hangovers sucked. Jared groaned when he felt the hard lump against him, knowing without opening his eyes it was Jensen he had crashed in the bed with.
"So, I guess you saw me... and Justin last night?" Jensen questioned softly when Jared finally opened his eyes.
"Uh, yeah," he replied awkwardly, sitting up on the bed.
Jensen ran a hand through his short hair and sighed. "Look, I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how you'd react. I get it if you don't want to be friends anymore."
Jared's eyes widened. "You think I'm going to hate you or something?"
"Well, this is
Texas," Jensen pointed out.
"Dude, you're like my best friend," Jared told him. "I'm not going to disown you because you like guys. So, you and Justin are..." he trailed off, half not wanting to know the truth.
"Dating, yeah. Well, I guess," Jensen shrugged. "Probably. I liked him for a while and..."
"Cool," Jared replied simply, not wanting to hear the rest.
Jensen swallowed and nodded his head softly before asking the question Jared could tell was on his mind. "How the hell can you be so understanding? I've been going through hell trying to tell you for the last month, preparing for some big confrontation."
Jared wanted so badly to tell him why he was so cool with it. That Jared himself was gay. That Jensen's the reason he realized he was gay; that one day he went from "I love Jensen" to "I love
Jensen" and couldn't get him out of his head. But Jared can't tell him all of that now. He's with Justin
and even if it hadn't been a day yet, he's not going to be that guy. So he just shrugged and answered, "Because it's you."
--- Six Months Later
Jared sighed as he slammed the locker shut. He had a four page essay in English due in a week, a lab write up to finish for chemistry tomorrow, and three hours of one on one time with Sandy. In all honesty, he couldn't decide which one he was looking the least forward to.
It's not like the essay was hard work, considering he just needed to pick a topic from a list and choose a side to take. It was more of the four pages that's the problem considering he tended to ramble and be opinionated while talking, but when pen hit paper he got stuck on what to write. Maybe Jensen could help him out there.
The lab write up would be easy and shouldn't take him long, but it's the fact it's... well, entirely boring. When he'd heard Chemistry involved a lot of experiments, he expected a fun class and an easy grade. Unfortunately, he must have forgotten that with each experiment came a ton of written work.
Then there's Sandy, who'd been a precious little gem up until about day three of their relationship. They'd been dating for six months and he had learned that there was an unwritten girl code that stated one must nitpick and find every flaw about one's boyfriend. Apparently, Jared's flaw was his commitment issue, which was ridiculous because ever since they began dating he'd been nothing but faithful to her. According to Sandy, though, because he had a (wonderful, beautiful, loving... he was shocked she never gave him a list of adjectives to describe her) girlfriend he wasn't allowed to even look
at someone. It's not like he wanted to date
them, but hello? Pretty person, people tend to stop and stare
It's not like Sandy didn't enjoy her own fantasizing; he's pretty sure she didn't join the cheerleading squad because she liked to get the crowd pumped up. If he mentioned the fact that Sandy cock teases the entire football team though, he's suddenly the possessive boyfriend with self-esteem issues. Like he wasn't hotter than half the jocks in the school. Three quarters, even. Maybe even the hottest guy at school. No, that would be impossible as long as Jensen was there.
"I thought I smelled something burning." Jared got taken out of his thoughts of Sandy by his grinning best friend.
"Funny," Jared replied, giving Jensen a tense smile.
His friend frowned. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Jared said as brightly as he could, wrapping an arm around Jensen's shoulders, half dragging his friend down the hall. If Jared held him closer than usual? Well, nobody would notice. "Anyway, I wanted to ask if you could help me with an essay."
"Sure, what's it on?"
"Pick a topic and pick a side. Right now I'm contemplating writing about the pros and cons of having a girlfriend."
"Sandy problems?" Jensen asked, rolling his eyes.
Jared sighed and nodded his head.
"Did she make you put your promise ring back on?" Jensen teased, prompting Jared to stick his tongue out at him.
"Thankfully, no. She just wants to go out tonight, talk about our 'issues'," Jared made air quotes with the hand that was hanging around Jensen's neck. "It's probably going to be the one where she gets all pissed because I had a hard on last week."
"Hey, a permanent boner is the penalty for dating the president of the celibacy club," Jensen reminded him mockingly.
"Can you not have a little sympathy for me?" Jared pouted as he steered them around a crowd of freshmen. "I just don't see what her problem is. I'm a sexually repressed guy, and sexually repressed guys are going to have fucking hard ons. There's nothing I can do about it."
"Well, you could always... you know," Jensen made a crude hand gesture, causing two passing girls to giggle.
"I wish," Jared blew on his bangs. "Apparently it's gross if I want to masturbate. Like I'm the only one who does it. I'm not, am I? I mean, you like to pound the ham, too?"
His friend raised an eyebrow. "Pound the ham? Seriously? That's the best you can come up with?"
"There's also choke the chicken, whack the weasel, gag the goose—"
"Okay, I get it! Enough with the synonyms," Jensen rolled his eyes and playfully punched Jared's shoulder. "Anyway, yes, I enjoy doing... that
... when I need to."
"Which you don't, now that you have Justin," Jared sighed dramatically. Justin it turned out, wasn't totally a bad guy, and though Jared tried to hate him he just couldn't. "What it must feel like to actually have sex."
"Shut up! I told you, we're not..." Jensen trailed off, sighing. "Having sex yet. I want to wait."
"Why couldn't you date Sandy then? You'd be a great match."
"Right. With her being a prude and me liking dick we'd never
have to worry about sex."
"Exactly!" Jared exclaimed as they exited the school. "And Sandy is not a prude," Jared added, feeling like he had to defend her.
"Jared," Jensen chuckled, "trust me, your girlfriend is a definite prude."
"Fine, she's... prudish."
"Okay! She's as fucking prudy as they come. Happy?"
Jensen chuckled again. "Definitely."
"So, you've heard enough about me and my sex issues. What about you?"
"What about me?" Jensen asked, avoiding the question.
"You and Justin?" Jensen didn't respond. "Jensen." Still no response. "Jensen
"What?" he asked, looking up at Jared, who just raised an eyebrow. "It's... complicated."
"We're just... I don't know. Not serious, at all."
"Not serious? Since when?" Jared had always found them sickenly sweet with each other.
Jensen shrugged. "I just don't feel the same was as I used to, I guess. It's mostly physical now."
"Wow, Jen. That's... that's kind of sad." Even though Jared would like to be with Jensen, he still felt bad that his first relationship went from full on romance to just physical.
"Shut up," Jensen snapped, not wanting to talk about himself. "At least my boyfriend gives me head."
"That's true," Jared admitted. Sandy refused to even touch Jared's dick, let alone put it in her mouth. Hell, in the last month they had only made out three times. The boys stayed quiet as they continued to walk, both lost in their own minds.
"So I guess it'd be pointless to invite you over to watch a movie tonight?" Jensen asked finally when they reached his house.
Jared frowned, "Pretty much. I'd rather do that but if I don't go out with Sandy then..."
"Yeah," Jensen finished sadly. "You know, it says a lot about your relationship if you'd rather hang out with my dick than Sandy." Jensen hoped his words didn't sound as serious to Jared as they did to him.
"Hey, I love your dick," Jared gave him a wide grin. "If only I could just date you." He fluttered his eyelashes, hoping to make Jensen unaware of the truth behind the words.
"Yeah," he murmured softly and for a second Jared swore he could see something flash in Jensen's eyes; raw want and need. Jensen coughed and Jared looked down, blushing. "Well, see you."
"Bye," Jared gave him a soft smile before continuing the walk to his own home.
"Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Jared was jolted out of his thoughts by his girlfriend's shrill voice.
"Of course I am," Jared sighed, pushing the chicken around on his plate.
"You were not! You were checking out that girl over there!" Sandy accused, and Jared wanted to laugh because if anything, the guy sitting with her would be the one he'd check out. Not that he'd ever admit that to Sandy, though. Being possessive over him looking at girls sure beat her yelling at him for "leading her on".
"Trust me Sandy, I wasn't," Jared told her, taking a bite of his green beans. They were eating at their favourite restaurant. Favourite because it was respectable enough for Sandy to dine there, yet cheap enough so that Jared could pay the bill and have a couple of bucks left over for him and Jensen to hang out. Apparently it was disgusting to take a date to McDonalds if you were really serious about them.
If he were dating Jensen, he bet Jensen would be totally fine eating at a fast food place. Except if Jared were dating Jensen he'd actually want
to take him to this place. Hell, he'd probably spring for an even more expensive restaurant, because Jensen would refuse to be the girl in the relationship and rant about equal relationships, forcing Jared to split the bill and—
"Sorry," Jared sighed, shaking his head. Jensen was right. It really does say a lot if he'd rather eat a greasy burger with Jensen than eat a three course meal with Sandy. In all fairness though, Sandy was
only a substitute for Jensen.
He'd feel a lot crappier about using Sandy for what he couldn't get from Jensen, but he was pretty sure he was being used too. Plus, it's hard to feel bad for someone who looked at his penis like it's infested with maggots, not to mention was the biggest cock tease and
prude in the history of the world. Whoever said Jared liked to exaggerate was obviously wrong.
"Sorry," he responded automatically, before putting his fork down and looking at Sandy. "Actually, you know what? I'm not."
Jared sighed in relief as he finishes the lab. He should know to do his homework first thing when he got home on nights Sandy insisted on going out, but the thought of doing the lab before spending three hours with Satan's bitch (sorry for the insult, Satan) was enough to put it off. He chuckled as he thinks about how he wouldn't have to schedule things around Sandy anymore. He grabbed his chemistry book off the coffee table, then flicked off the light as he left the room. Then he heard it; a soft knock on the door.
"Jensen?" he yawned as he looked his friend over, frowning as he took in Jensen's red eyes. "What happened?" He knew not much would make Jensen show up on his door this late at night.
"I know it's late..." he started, words soft. Jared responded by opening the door wider and moving aside so Jensen could enter the house. Jared lead him into the living room and didn't stop to consider what he's doing as he grasped Jensen around the waist, positioning them on the couch so they're stomach to stomach with Jensen's head on his chest. Jensen doesn't object, in fact, he seemed to curl into Jared.
Jared ran his fingers through Jensen's short hair as he waited for him to explain, enjoying the intimacy of the moment.
"Justin cheated on me," Jensen whispered and Jared's fingers stop carding Jensen's hair as his body goes stiff. He bit his tongue so he wouldn't mention something about killing the bastard, knowing his friend wouldn't feel better with threats of dismemberment.
"But I thought you didn't care about him," Jared replied instead, wondering why he chose those words.
"I don't," Jensen replied. "And that's the problem."
Jared frowned. "I don't see the problem."
"I don't care
, that's the problem. I mean, we dated for six months, Jared. Why don't I care that someone I called my boyfriend for six months decided it'd be okay to go and fuck another guy?"
"You're crying because you don't care about some asshole who you hooked up with while you were drunk and then felt obligated to date?" Jared teased gently, which earned a snort from Jensen. He was pretty sure that Jensen didn't feel obligated
to date, but it made Jared feel better thinking he did.
"When you put it like that," Jensen gave Jared a faint smile before rolling off of him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to use you as a bed."
"Nah, it's cool," Jared said, sitting up. What he really wanted to tell Jensen was that he should only be sorry because he stopped
using Jared as a bed. "So, who did you catch Justin with?"
Jensen made a face. "I don't even wanna go there, dude. How'd your date with Sandy go?"
"I think it was the best date we've ever been on," Jared answered truthfully.
"Oh yeah? How co—" Jensen's eyes go wide. "Jared! She finally let you fuck her?"
It was Jared's turn for his eyes to widen, just before he began to laugh hysterically. "Not quite. More like I dumped her."
Jensen raised an eyebrow. "You dumped her? Why? I mean, sure the bitch had it coming, but still. On a date
? Kinda sucky, huh?"
"Why not?" Jared answered, still proud of the dumping. "Of course, if you ask her, she'll insist she did the dumping. Probably because I'm 'emotionally unstable and got into a fist fight with the waiter because he asked if she wanted more pie, thinking he was hitting on her'."
"Damn waiters, breaking up marriages over pie," Jensen joked.
"Yup," Jared agreed, and the room grew quiet.
"Really though," Jensen said finally, breaking the silence. "Why'd you break up with her?"
"Besides the obvious?" Jared shrugged, looking down at his fingers. It was now or never, he figured. "I guess I was sick of being with her when I wanted someone else."
"You wanted someone else?" Jared nodded. "Who?"
"What? I can't have secrets?"
, you're incapable of keeping a secret."
"I've been keeping this one for a while," Jared pointed out.
"How long?" Jensen questioned. When Jared mumbled his response, Jensen raised an eyebrow and asked again. "How long?"
"About... three years," Jared replied, cheeks turning red.
? So that whole pining phase you said was over Sandy... wasn't over Sandy?" Jared shook his head. "Why the hell would you lie to me?"
"Because," Jared shrugged, suddenly feeling a lot more cowardly.
"Because what? Because you don't trust me?"
Jared's eyes widened at the accusation. "No! God, no, Jensen. I trust you. It's just I... it was a guy."
"So you thought I'd... what, beat you up for being gay?"
"I'm not gay," Jared protested. "I'm bisexual... I think." He wondered if Jensexual was an option.
"Whatever. You seriously thought I'd stop being your friend or something because you liked guys? Jared, hello, gay guy right here!"
"Well I didn't know
that three years ago, did I? And anyway, no. That's not why I wouldn't tell you. I knew
you'd be okay with the whole liking both girls and guys thing."
"Then why?" Jensen asked, hurt evident in his voice.
"Because..." Jared trailed off and blew his bangs out of his face.
"Because why?" Jensen pressed on.
"Because it's you
," Jared didn't mean to say the words, didn't want
to say the words, but yet here he was, holding his breath for Jensen's response. He swallowed nervously as he waited for him to say something. Anything
"What?" Jensen asked dumbly, and Jared's heart drops. Of course he'd say the three hardest words he could and Jensen would follow it up with what?
"Because it's you," Jared repeated, shocked that he managed to say it calmly. "You're the one I've had the crush on for three years. You're the one who made me realize I wasn't completely straight. You're the one I wanted to come out to, but then when I finally got the nerve, you just found a boyfriend and then there was no point."
"So you, what, used Sandy? That's low, Jay," Jensen said quietly, his knee bobbing up and down, something he'd always done when he was nervous.
"I know, okay?" Jared huffed a breath. Leave it to Jensen to ignore the reason and target the choices. "I know it's wrong and I shouldn't of, but this isn't about Sandy right now. This is about me admitting to you that I want to be with you, that I've wanted it for years, and frankly? You look like you're about to pass out right now."
"It's... a lot to take in, Jared."
"Well can you at least say something about it so we can move past it?" Jared was through holding on to the hope Jensen would follow the cliché and kiss him after Jared confessed his feelings. "This is why I didn't want to tell you in the first place."
"I..." Jensen swallowed as he looked around the room. "I should go. I'll see you tomorrow."
Jared didn't have time to object before Jensen's gone out of his house, leaving him to wonder why the hell he had even opened his mouth.
When Jensen didn't show up for school the next day, nor the day after that, it was evident to Jared that he was being avoided. Jared wondered why he didn't just move to Canada or something; at least then he'd be able to avoid Jared forever.
Which was why Jensen is the last person Jared expected to be sitting on his doorstep, clearly waiting for him.
"Come to say goodbye before you move to Canada?" Jared tried to joke as he sat down next to his... were they even still friends now?
"What?" Jensen frowned.
"Never mind," Jared mumbled, both falling silent. "So," he finally said, breaking the silence.
"So," Jensen replied, staring at the ground.
"Look, I'm sorry about what I said, okay? I shouldn't have told you and I'm just... fuck! Can we just go back to the way the things were? I miss you." Even if it had been only two days, Jared desperately missed the light Jensen brought into his life. If he could turn back time he would without a second thought.
"I miss you too," Jensen admitted, looking up at Jared with serious eyes. "But we can't go back to the way things used to be."
"We can't?" Jared asked sadly, not caring that he was probably pouting like a puppy being denied his favourite chew toy.
Jensen shook his head. "What you said that night, it was a lot to handle. I mean, you came out to me and then admitted three years of built up feelings for me in ten seconds." Jared opened his mouth to protest but Jensen raised his hand to silence him. "I know, I made you tell me. And I'm sorry I freaked out, but it's hard to realize that maybe the reason I didn't care that Justin cheated on me was because it wasn't him I cared about after all."
"What?" Jared's face didn't hide his confusion. "You admitted that before
I said... that stuff."
"No I didn't," Jensen said, shaking his head again. "I said I didn't care about him. I only realized later that it was because I cared about someone else."
"So what are you saying?" Jared didn't really want to get his hopes up, but...
"What I'm saying is... I want to try this. I mean, if you still want to." Jared's heart leapt as he watched Jensen blush shyly.
"Yes! I mean... God, yeah. I still want to," Jared didn't care that this was Texas and that it was broad daylight. He leaned in and kissed Jensen, soft and gentle, merely a movement of lips. As far as first kisses go, Jared felt like it was the best.
Jensen smiled as they break away, prompting Jared to break out into a full grin. "What made you change your mind?" he asked as he leaned his forehead against Jensen's.
"I just thought about it, a lot. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized we've always been dating, except the making out part. And I really
wanted the making out part," Jensen smiled again when Jared's grin grew wider.
"Yeah, I kind of wanted that part, too."
"You said it best, Jared," Jensen continued, shrugging. "It's just... because it's you. Because you're Jared, the dork who I rescued from your Aunt Betty's poodle when you were seven." Jared totally wanted to remind him that the poodle was from hell, but he didn't want to interrupt Jensen. "The awesome and supportive guy who didn't even flinch when I told you I was gay... though I guess you got to see first hand at the party before I told you." Jensen gave him a soft smile before placing a chaste kiss on his lips.
"Do you realize you're the first person I think of in the morning and the last person I think about before I go to bed at night?" Jensen continued. "That you're the first person I talk to when I feel like shit because I know you'll find some way to cheer me up? That you're the one person I can tell anything to and know you'll have my back no matter what?"
"Jeeze, Jen. You could of just kept it short. Now you're sounding like a girl," Jared smiled softly, secretly indulging in Jensen's long confession, before pressing his lips to Jensen's forehead.
"Shut up, you're the girl," Jensen mumbled as he leaned his head on Jared's shoulder. "You know, we should probably go inside... the neighbours might start looking."
"Let them look," Jared replied simply before capturing Jensen's mouth with his own. He had already waited three years for this, he wasn't going to waste anymore time.